I said to my friend, "I really don't know what to do. My wife asked me to read a book that she loves and I hate it. If I tell her I hate it we'll argue and, if I lie, she's bound to find out."
"What's the book?" he asked.
I replied, "Catch 22."
I start my new job tomorrow as a trainee bell ringer.
I'm hoping someone will be there in the morning to show me the ropes.
ITV are launching a new show following the challenging lives of young people with speech impediments.
It`s called `The Only Way Is Ethics.`
My wife is writing a book about her sex life and shopping.
It's called, No Swallows and Amazon.
My son was recently admitted to hospital after he swallowed some coins.
I asked the doctor how he's getting on, but he said there's no change yet.
You know, vultures can make really good comedy actors.
I really loved them in those old "Carrion" movies.
I'll never forget the day when I got a rear-view mirror installed for the car. I never looked back after that!
If you owned a secret underground fajita shop,Would you keep it under wraps?
I was furious that the doctor wanted to perform a lobotomy.
I gave him a piece of my mind.
Dr, Dr. I've swallowed a chickpea, I think I might die". "Sorry sir, I can't find a pulse".
I started work in a woolen mill but soon realised that it was a very close knit community.
Passing my driving test means an 'L' of a lot to me.
My very elderly and delirious Grandmother often gets very confused and thinks she's the founder of an upmarket fashion label.
Delusions of Gran Dior.
I am kicking myself I did not take up karate earlier.
A few more thoughts
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Irish people like their deodorant to be sure.
My dictionary angered me last night.So today we're going to have words.
I think I may be addicted to horoscopes,I can see the signs!
I serenaded a girl with an acoustic guitar once. It all went great, until I played "You Are Beautiful" and she had me arrested for assault with a Blunt instrument.
My left toe has never been as agreeable as the other one.
The French Mushroom Group have adapted a Queen song to become their Society Anthem.
We are the Champignons.
I feel the criticism of David De Gea not being able to catch crosses is getting out of hand.
The food industry is mourning the death of the inventor of the accompanying dip.
They are releasing a Post-Hummus product to commemorate his life
Pancake day really crepe'd up on me this year.
What do you call a round, yellow dog? Melancholy.
Bassetts are planning a licorice museum - its causing allsorts of problems
I'm buying a hairdressing salon for my wife.
As with most things in our marriage, perms and conditioners apply.
My dictionary angered me last night.So today we're going to have words.
I think I may be addicted to horoscopes,I can see the signs!
I serenaded a girl with an acoustic guitar once. It all went great, until I played "You Are Beautiful" and she had me arrested for assault with a Blunt instrument.
My left toe has never been as agreeable as the other one.
The French Mushroom Group have adapted a Queen song to become their Society Anthem.
We are the Champignons.
I feel the criticism of David De Gea not being able to catch crosses is getting out of hand.
The food industry is mourning the death of the inventor of the accompanying dip.
They are releasing a Post-Hummus product to commemorate his life
Pancake day really crepe'd up on me this year.
What do you call a round, yellow dog? Melancholy.
Bassetts are planning a licorice museum - its causing allsorts of problems
I'm buying a hairdressing salon for my wife.
As with most things in our marriage, perms and conditioners apply.
I've been training to be a pasta chef.
It's going okay, apart from the fusilli mistakes.
I've just been arrested in the Commons for having non-consensual sex with a bronze sculpture of Margaret Thatcher.
They've charged me with Statue-Tory rape.
I could tell it was a monopoly board from the word GO
When Microsoft announced the release of Office 2010, I was a bit sceptical. But now that I have installed it I have a brand new Outlook.
It's going okay, apart from the fusilli mistakes.
I've just been arrested in the Commons for having non-consensual sex with a bronze sculpture of Margaret Thatcher.
They've charged me with Statue-Tory rape.
I could tell it was a monopoly board from the word GO
When Microsoft announced the release of Office 2010, I was a bit sceptical. But now that I have installed it I have a brand new Outlook.
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RegencyCheltenhamSpa
- Posts: 29814
- Joined: 21 Nov 2009, 03:27
YES. Three classics.Nesty wrote:I've been training to be a pasta chef.
It's going okay, apart from the fusilli mistakes.
I've just been arrested in the Commons for having non-consensual sex with a bronze sculpture of Margaret Thatcher.
They've charged me with Statue-Tory rape.
I could tell it was a monopoly board from the word GO
When Microsoft announced the release of Office 2010, I was a bit sceptical. But now that I have installed it I have a brand new Outlook.